In my introduction I changed a few things. I addressed what I was going to say within my paper more clearly. These changes strengthened my thesis as well as helped show the reader my perspective. Every peer who read my paper suggested that I address this issue.

When revising the body of my paper, I used the Barclay’s formula to help structure my arguments in a way which allowed me to use contextual evidence. For example when discussing Gee’s idea of “Mushfake” I used the Barclay’s formula to help show my stance on the theories. Additionally I added in text citations as well as mentioning when a topic was one of Gee or Cuddy’s ideas so I would avoid plagiarism. Many of my peers also suggested that I move certain claims to the beginning of the paragraph to make the reading flow and less confusing.

I added two new paragraphs. This was because several of my peers suggested that I expand the ideas which I briefly address in order to have a more clear “I say”. I feel that they make the paper less of a summary and better show my view on entering a Discourse.

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